A Heartfelt Approach To Managing The Pain Of Loss

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Everyone experiences loss at some point in their life. It could be the loss of a pet, which can be as devastating as losing a family member, or the loss of a relative. Perhaps you’ve experienced a miscarriage, and are still coming to terms with it. Before we begin, no matter the loss you’ve endured and are still processing, we extend our deepest sympathies and well wishes to you.

Healing can come, but it sometimes takes a while to get here. The most important thing to remember is that while pain and grief are universal emotions, it’s also okay to feel confused and lost during them too. This is part of it. In other words, there’s no way to feel this “correctly.” Some people feel numb for quite a while, only to realize how much it’s been affecting them.

Others can express their emotion intensely for a few weeks and then surface. It all depends on the experience you’ve had, your own spirit, and your willingness to take some time to not be okay.

For this reason, we hope the following blog serves as a helpful and heartfelt approach to managing the pain of loss. We believe that with some care and empathy, you can tread your way through this process without feeling trapped or stuck.

Give Yourself Time

Grieving is not a process you can rush at all. It’s a journey, not a checklist to complete, even if you feel like you should because the pain of loss isn’t comfortable, and you likely want to be rid of it. But after a loss, your world may feel fundamentally different, and it’s natural to take time to adjust. This adjustment isn’t linear, meaning there’s no set timeline for how long it should take.

Give yourself permission to feel what you feel. It’s the best thing you can do. If one day you’re overwhelmed and the next you’re distracted or even laughing, that’s okay. Grief comes in waves, and sometimes the tide pulls back unexpectedly and you shouldn’t feel guilty about that either. Respect the ebb and flow of your emotions without judgment, that’s a healthy sign they’re processing.

Memorialize The Loss

Creating a memorial can be a healing act and a sign of respect too. This might involve setting up a physical space to honour the one you’ve lost, writing about them, or crafting something that helps preserve their memory. There’s no perfect way to do it, just what you think is most appropriate to the person or friend you lost. Some people find comfort in planting a tree, designing a photo book, or donating to a cause their loved one cared about. Some even plan a summer run to fundraise for a charity, against cancer for instance.

There are also more formal ways to memorialize a loss, such as selecting a meaningful piece from Memorials.com to serve as a lasting tribute. This could be an urn for ashes or just their memory, a keepsake, or custom artwork like a picture frame with a timeless image of them in it.

Rest On Your Family & Friends, & Let Them Rest On You

The worst thing you can do is isolate, even if grief can feel isolating, and it’s important to remember that you don’t have to go through it alone. Now there’s no shame in staying inside instead of going out because you want to be with your own thoughts for a bit. But when you can, it’s good to lean on those close to you. A kind word, a shared memory that makes you laugh or just sitting in silence with someone who understands can be incredibly comforting. A problem shared is a problem halved as they say, and it can be like that with negative emotions too.

At the same time, remember that grief often affects entire families or groups of friends. If you’ve lost a friend for instance, your entire friend group is going through this, not just you – but you know that already. If others are grieving the same loss, you might find that supporting them helps you process your own emotions too! It can be a give-and-take if sometimes you’re the one offering a shoulder to cry on, and sometimes you’re the one seeking it. It can be nice to provide that comfort.

Focus On A Goal Or Project

It’s very easy to live through the prism of your loss and see nothing else. It’s very difficult to not do so, so don’t think yourself silly or weak for thinking that way. 

But you deserve a break from time to time. Having something to focus on can help you at least feel a bit distracted now and then. As long as you’re not ignoring the issue, which is hard anyway, this can give you some reprieve. You might get into gardening or reading, joining a local hiking club, or, and bear with us on this, play video games. The latter option can be very comforting when going through something harsh.

Act As If You Were Injured

Just because you don’t see it physically doesn’t mean you haven’t taken an incredible knock. Grief is considered to be similar to an emotional wound, so treat it the same way you would a physical injury. Rest when you need to, nourish yourself with good food, and avoid pushing yourself too hard. 

If you feel very exhausted in the evening, just go to bed early. Your body and mind are interconnected, and taking care of one can often help soothe the other. This also means being gentle with yourself. It’s okay if you’re not at the top of your game at work for a little while, they’ll understand.

Accept Confusing Feelings

Grief isn’t a tidy emotion. It’s messy, unpredictable, and often contradictory. You might feel relief and guilt at the same time, or anger mixed with profound sadness. These emotions can be unsettling, but they’re also a natural part of processing loss. For instance, if you had been looking after a pet going through a terrible illness, you may feel relieved they don’t have to suffer it anymore. You may feel horrible about that, but it doesn’t make you a bad person. Accepting this can help you process those confusing feelings.

With this advice, we hope you can feel more capable when managing the pain of loss, instead of bound by it. If you all need further assistance, speaking to professional counsellors can help.