Relationship Matters & Other New Parent Sidelines!
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This week I wanted to write about a subject that gets missed a lot when we talk to each other about babies and having children, and that is, relationship matters. Relationships are very difficult to sustain even in the best of situations and to be honest; it’s not something that you think will be affected when you have children. At least it wasn’t for us!
It was to our surprise when soon after having our daughter; I found that I no longer had time for my other half. Everything revolves around the new baby, feeding time, bed time, housework and even just getting dressed in the morning takes complete precedence over anything else! All you can think about is baby and unless you have a very understanding and caring partner like I do, it can often lead to a great deal of tension and can result in relationships breaking down!
It’s very important to make sure that you try and make time for your each other, something as small as making a favourite dinner can have a huge effect on how your feeling. Mario and I decided that when Mia was a few months old, we would start going out together again like we used to, once a month and have Mia looked after overnight.
It meant that we could have some time together, catch up on what we were each up to and just generally talk to each other without being distracted by Mia or being too tired to even speak.
We kept this monthly outing up for the first 14 months and I can honestly say, without feeling guilty about it, I looked forward to just being Becca and Mario for one night each month. Once we had Lottie, it became more tricky and with things how they are in the world at the moment, even more difficult but we will do it again! Of course, none of this can be done without a great support network outside of our little family and for that I have to thank my mum, who adores having Mia overnight for us.
What I would definitely say is that you need to make time for each other and have a little bit of normality injected back into your life. I know I tended to forget about Mario’s feelings and just concentrated on Mia but since becoming more aware of it, we have begun to get as close as we were before we had Mia.
It’s so easy to just carry on not talking and not doing the nice things you did together before, it’s easier to just ignore it and presume it will get better on its own but just by communicating with each other, it can change the whole situation and make your relationship stronger, because let’s face it, if your relationship can last through the stresses of having a baby, it can last through anything and that can only be a good thing 🙂
Do you have any particular relationship matters?
35 Comments
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RachelSwirl
We too have a fortnightly date night now while the kids are away at my folks. We deffo look forward to it! Thanks so much for sharing this with the #TuesdayTreasures linky.
mummydaddymia
Its so important as its really easy to forget your a couple instead of mummy and daddy all the time! 🙂
mummy and monkeys
It’s definitely important to have time together, even making time in the evenings if you can’t get out. We have never both left Ava overnight and she is 16 months now, lack of people who are willing to have her. I would love for us to have a longer stretch of time together.
mummydaddymia
Aww it is difficult to get someone you trust to look after them. We are very lucky that my mum can have Mia once a month overnight and we cherish that time together! 🙂
Becky, Cuddle Fairy
I agree lovely, if your relationship survives a baby you will make it through anything. It can be a very difficult time as baby requires so much attention & everyone is so tired. It’s great to have some alone time with your hubby! Thanks so much for linking up with #bloggerclubuk
mummydaddymia
Aww that’s so true and thank you! 🙂
A Moment with Franca
Hi Becca, as I mentioned before when I commented your post back in August, I agree with you. It is really important to get some time alone with your partner. For us sometimes the best option is to watch a movie together at home, or have some nice dinner at home while the girls are sleeping as we still haven’t found a babysitter that we trust. But I really would like to change that so I’m on a hunt of a good one right now 😉 Thank you so much for linking up with me at #KCAKOLS. I would love if you join me again on Sunday! 🙂 x
mummydaddymia
Absolutely! It’s only until recently that we could start going out regularly again so we always make the most of time we are both at home together watching tv. Thanks for commenting 🙂
Nick
Hi, this is a great post and a very important thing, you really do have to try to remember to make time for your partner, even if its just once a month or whenever is possible! Thanks for sharing #KCACOLS
mummydaddymia
Yes it’s so difficult at first trying to get everything right but patience and time helps 🙂 thanks for commenting
Something Crunchy Mummy
Great post and so true – we need to make time for our other halfs. Thanks for linking up to #justanotherlinky xx
mummydaddymia
Ahh thanks for commenting 🙂
mummydaddymia
Ahh thanks, it is tricky and like you say, there’s always something else to do or get done!! Iam really enjoying having 1 night just me and mario, it’s don’t wonders for us. Iam glad your trying it out too 🙂
teacuptoria
I couldn’t agree more. You have to make even more of an effort than before children. Your partner can begin to feel a bit pushed out so it’s important to remind both of you how important you are to each other. Not everybody makes time for this so well done to you guys. xx
mummydaddymia
Thank you for your comment! It is tricky and it’s taken us a while to get into the swing of it but it’s nice to spend some time just the 2 of us 🙂
mackenzieglanville
I found this was really hard for me in the beginning, I just couldn’t leave my daughter with anyone, I knew I should but I struggled, I know my hubby needed alone time with me and it was hard on him, but we got through it and now the kids are older we have better quality time together. If I could go back I would be more relaxed about leaving my little girl. Great advice, #mummyandus
mummydaddymia
I had similar experiences as iam literally with Mia all day everyday and its taken nearly 2 years for me to feel comfortable leaving her with my own mum! Glad you found a way to get through it too. Thanks for commenting 🙂
Kirsten Toyne
I so agree that it is important but like you said time together relies on having help. It is about finding what is feasible and works for everyone. I think it is great that you do this and make the most of the help you have.
mummydaddymia
Thank you! and thanks for you comment 🙂
Jenny @ Let's Talk Mommy
That’s fantastic you have someone to take her over night for a date night. I would love that but we do make sure we get out for date night once a month with a babysitter and just have to be sure one of us is fit to wake up early with the tots. hahaha But it’s still so important to give each other time together without the kids you are so right. Good for you for keeping it going. Thank you for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme
mummydaddymia
Yes we are so lucky, its quite a recent thing but we are making the most of it! I agree the trouble is one of you has to be ok to wake up at normal time, we have to pick Mia up from mums about 45mins drive away so we cant enjoy the night off too much! 🙂 Glad you able to make use of a babysitter, thanks for commenting 🙂
melaniegreenhalgh
We were really good at this when we had up to two kids and then it just got too hard. No family to help with looking after the kids and getting four kids ready for sleepovers is more energy than it is worth. But we have a caravan on the coast and go there regularly and when the kids are on the beach they are happy and we feel like we are alone and get time together. Just gotta do find and do what works. Love my hubby and always trying to find ways to look after us! Mel xx #MMWBH
mummydaddymia
Wow yes i can imagine with 4 its quite different to packing 1 off to grandparents or having someone babysit! we are really lucky that we have a small family, my daughter is the only child so she is looked after by both my mum and a babysitter no problem, i had never thought about what the arrangements would be if she wasn’t the only 1! Your caravan sounds a great idea though! i recently looked at my mums caravan the other day and it occurred to me that its a great thing to have if you can, you can just pack up and go whenever and wherever (within reason!) you want to!
Thanks for commenting! 🙂
DomesticatedMomster
I totally agree in finding time for each other away from the kids. We spend so much time doing everything for our kids that we have to take time and acknowledge that the unit wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for our bond. My husband and I try to go on date nights at least once a month and sometimes put the kids to bed early just so the two of us can watch a movie or have a conversation. I am visiting from #BabyBrainMonday.
mummydaddymia
Absolutely! Your whole life is consumed by a tiny person all of a sudden that life doesn’t seem it can ever be ‘normal’ again! Takes a while to get into a pattern of making the effort to go out together or even have a conversation like you say. Thanks for commenting! 🙂
mummydaddymia
Yes it is funny how we forget things over time. I think if we have another child it will be very different and we will be a bit more relaxed and know what to expect 🙂 Thanks for the comment!
farmerswifeandmummy
Aww that’s lovely and very easily forgotten. I think first time round was a shock for us both but second time has been much better so far 🙂
thehollyhockdoor
Whoops! Thanks for sharing on #mummymonday
mummydaddymia
Thanks for the comment, its so nice to know that everyone feels the same at some point, i sometimes worry and panic that iam on my own and actually i realise iam not! 🙂
thehollyhockdoor
Very true! It’s so tough in those early days to do anything but be a parent. But I agree it’s so important to try to (re)connect with your partner on a regular basis!
A Moment with Franca
I agree with you. It is important to find time to spend alone with your partner the problem sometimes is finding someone to take care of your kids or not feeling too tired to go out! But I guess just spending time at home after the kids go to bed, sitting down and have dinner together and be able to talk is really important. Thanks for sharing, 🙂 xx
#mummymonday
mummydaddymia
I agree! We have only just found a babysitter what we trust to look after Mia and as my mums just moved quite far away she has Mia once a month overnight but before then we had no one really that we could ask regularly. Also like you say, a lot of the time you need to feel like going out too! I have to push myself out the door sometime 🙂
Thanks for commenting!
shelahmoss
You have good relationship advice. Making sure to find time is one of the most important ways to maintain a relationship.
mummydaddymia
Absolutely! its so difficult at first and its taken us nearly 2 years to get into a regular flow of going out by ourselves! Thanks for your comment 🙂